


as long as stars are above you

by faaulkner



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Babies, Becoming Parents, Birth, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Surrogacy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23829787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faaulkner/pseuds/faaulkner
Summary: "Adam," he says, and god, he's never seen him look so happy. "There's someone here I'd like you to meet.”
Relationships: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	as long as stars are above you

**Author's Note:**

> This was sitting in my computer for months, and [squints] in my head for years before that??? I was procrastinating on something else, though, so it's finally freed from its prison. There's the lowekey-est of lowkey Juno references somewhere in there, because I couldn't resist.
> 
> Title courtesy of How Long Will I Love You by Ellie Goulding

“I'm here, I'm here.”

Adam slams his way through the hospital door the best that one _can_ slam through a hospital door, heart racing somewhere in his throat. His eyes dart around the room and pick out random details. The sunlight streaming through the window on one side, illuminating the pure white walls. The small but oh so carefully gathered pile of clothes and supplies on a corner table. They finally settle on Lawrence, standing in the middle of it all as if he's been patiently waiting this whole time.

"Adam," he says, and god, he's never seen him look so happy. "There's someone here I'd like you to meet.”

Adam remains rooted to his spot. Almost indecisive in his sudden nerves. But then little by little he moves, one foot in front of the other. Their surrogate, Aubrey, lays sleeping in the bed beside him, but for all that he's come to like her she may as well not exist, so focused he is on reaching Lawrence and the bundle in his arms. A focus that's been building and breaking down and building again for nearly the past year, spurred into action by the call it feels like he’s been waiting for forever.

Adam leans into Lawrence's side, an arm looping around his back out of pure muscle memory, and looks.

“Look," Lawrence murmurs, an announcement that is unnecessary for all that it's welcome. "It's our son."

Adam never understood before how people could get so hung up on babies and their size. It's a brand new human, of course it's not going to come out fully grown. But now, all he can think is _small_ , _small_ , _small_. He's small and _perfect_ , all delicate, round features and just this side of pink. A shock of dark brown hair peeks out from the beanie nestled snugly on his head, and Adam realizes with a dim jolt that it's entirely from him. He reaches out, and rests a hand over where Lawrences's cradles his tiny form.

“He's...he's _mine_ ," he finally whispers, breath staggering out as if he'd been holding it.

And of course that's not entirely true. At the end of the day the boy swaddled before them is _theirs_ , belongs equally to the both of them. But of course, Lawrence knows what he means.

"I know."

A shocked little laugh tumbles its way out of Adam’s mouth, and he has to knuckle away a few sudden tears.

“Are you ready to hold him?”

 _Of course_ Adam fully intends on holding his son every day until he’s no longer able to, _of course_ he does, but what comes out of him is a very hesitant, “Uh.”

Lawrence doesn’t take offense at the sound, bless him. “I know, it’s terrifying. I was shaking so hard the first time I held Diana I was sure I was going to drop her. But you’re going to be fine.”

Adam wants to object again, but knows it’ll be moot. He stalls a bit, rushing off to wash his hands. By the time he’s returned, he’s joined his arms before him in a crude rendition of the cradle he’s practiced what feels like dozens of times. Lawrence removes a hand from the baby’s bottom, holding him almost expertly with only one arm as he adjusts the height of one of Adam’s elbows. Then slowly, oh so slowly, he transfers the weight of him into Adam’s arms.

He’s somehow both lighter and heavier than Adam had anticipated. A small fussy noise escapes him at the change, though he remains asleep, and it startles Adam enough that he doesn’t breathe for more than a few seconds. He forces himself to relax, as much as he _can_ anyway.

“This is - this is okay? How do I look?” he asks, trying to adjust himself while also staying perfectly still.

“Scared out of your mind.” Lawrence’s voice is almost unbearably fond. “But that’s a _good_ _thing_ , Adam, that’s good.”

Something about the gentle tease brings him back to earth, and he feels his shoulders ease the rest of the way down. The baby seems to sense this, settling in until it’s like he was never anywhere but Adam’s arms at all.

All his life Adam has made a habit of breaking things, from relationships to promises to his own goddamn coffee maker. But now more than ever before he feels the importance of keeping something safe, intact, weighing him down with newfound purpose. He knows he’s going to ensure it stays that way for the rest of his days.

"What should be name this little guy?" Lawrence asks after the hush has dragged on for a small eternity. Adam has yet to meet his eyes for more than a few seconds.

Adam smiles down at his son, then finally glances up at him.

"I thought I'd know a perfect one by now, but. What did you and Allison do, for Diana?"

Lawrence mirrors Adam's posture from before, wrapping an arm around his middle to better lean into his newly expanded little family. He presses his face into the crook of Adam's neck, inhaling.

"Basically what you and I have done. Discuss a few ones beforehand, and just wait 'til she got here to see which one fit best. I'm glad we settled on Diana, though. For months Alli wanted to name her after her mother.”

Adam's nose wrinkles at the shared mirth, though he's afraid to breathe too hard let alone outright laugh. He considers, for a moment, and then goes and surprises the both of them.

"How about Ben? Benjamin.”

He can feel Lawrences' gaze boring down on him, and after a bit he looks up to meet it. His eyes aren't unkind.

"That's never shown up on your list before."

"I know, I know." He shrugs as much as he able in the position he's in, which isn’t all that much. "But it just came to me, I guess. I think I might've had a stuffed toy with that name or something. " He looks back down at the sleeping thing in his arms, already trying the name on the face that he sees. "I just like it."

Lawrence is silent then, for but not for long. He tightens his arm around Adam then, and leans in to press a kiss to the top of the beanie on Ben's head.

"Alright, then I like it too. Benjamin it is."

Adam is already grinning like a damn maniac, but still he has to be himself, if only for a second.

"You sure? Because I don't think you get take backs on this, man."

Lawrence chuckles, and even as Adam feels his entire world shift he finds that it's still his favorite sound. The assurance of it is comforting.

"Of course I'm sure. You're already referring to him as that in your head, I can tell. Plus he just looks like a Benjamin."

Adam can't help it. He turns in their shared embrace, the better to accept the chaste kiss he knows is coming from Lawrence. Not for the first time, he wonders how he got so goddamn lucky.

"Hi Benji," he whispers down to his son. Ridiculous, that he's already gifted him with a hard-to-shake nickname. Ridiculous, that he already loves him more than he can say.

"This right here is Lawrence. Larry, if I'm mad at him." He can feel Lawrence's chest rumble with more soft laughter, but he presses on. "Though I guess you'll be calling him Dad, huh?"

It then hits him: what's the kid going to call him? Surely not Dad as well, just to prevent confusion on all parts. But what, then? He has to tell himself to calm down, breathe, wait until he actually starts talking to worry about that. So he continues.

"He's kind of an ass sometimes, but his looks more than make up for it. You'll learn to love him." And he looks up, meeting the slightly misty eyes that had been already on him. "I know I have.”

It’s probably the most over-the-top cheesy he’s even been with Lawrence, and he’d wanted to write his own vows for their wedding. So naturally, he has to go and ruin it to protect his underbelly.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, there were some ups and downs, and when he begged me to procreate with him I had to _seriously_ consider it…”

“Okay, okay.” Lawrence is laughing too hard to sound truly chiding. He leans his forehead against Adam’s. “Don’t make him play favorites already.”

Lawrence knows him well enough to know he doesn’t mean any of it. And hey, even if he does feel hurt by it, it’s not like he can leave him now. They’ve got a kid together and everything. Adam has him well and truly trapped.

As if Lawrence is going anywhere any time soon.

“Adam.”

“Mmm.” He’s rubbing his nose alongside Lawrence’s, their son shielded from the rest of the world between the two of them.

“We did it.”

Adam thinks of words like _safe_ , _home_ , _family_ , words that he once thought he’d never get to associate with himself. He thinks he’s never going to get over the fact that he’s allowed to now.

“We did it,” he repeats.

**Author's Note:**

> There's no significance to the name Benjamin, I just like it and therefore Adam just likes it.


End file.
